+++
title = "Computing happy"
author = ["Michał Sapka"]
date = 2024-07-08T23:24:00+02:00
categories = ["blog"]
draft = false
weight = 2002
image_dir = "blog/images"
image_max_width = 600
abstract = "A short, 3-hour long video essay"
+++

One thing I've noticed about myself and my relationship with technology is that I care.
Not about productivity, getting stuff done and all those things.
I do them at my job, they pay bills.

But what I actually want to do with computes is to have a damn good time.
This is why I am so peculiar when it comes to choosing software.
In my `meatsuit` life, I am the only person I know who uses Emacs or BSD.
There are some folks who used to us Emacs, some use Linux.
But I am on the far end of the popular-obscure software spectrum.

I do this not because I like to make things harder to myself, but because I love tinkering.
Yes, I can get a clean MacBook into a working shape faster than my personal laptop, but it doesn't spark any joy.
Apple hardware and software in 2024 is devoid of any happiness.
It's boring, it's corporate, it `locked down`.
And while I understand why they pay me to use it, I don't enjoy it.

But should work bring happiness?
It should not bring sorrow, that's for sure.
My previous job, 10 years ago, was a gruelling MS Office sadness fest.
It gave me a lot of spare time, but I really wanted to go into software development.

And I did.
I learned Ruby on Rails and joined a software product company.
It was full of joy and excitement!
For the first few months, going to the office was _the shit_.

But 10 years have passed.
I still enjoy what I do, and I like our product.
But does it spark any actual excitement?
I am not the same person I've been back then.

I grew to love computers on a whole different level.
They are not a _tool_, but a _goal_.
And it all comes to this: I don't care if my software is making me productive.
I want to enjoy using it.
And for the last few years, this means only one thing: free software… and lack of web browser in between.

That's the distinction between software I _have_ to use and which I _choose_ to use.
But this also means I look at the computer-crowd differently.
People I care about are not the ones who I cared about before.
I can proudly say, Apple is out of my bloodstream.
It _used_ to be great, but it became terrible even before I was earning enough to buy myself a Mac.
Currently, everyone I admire are on the other side of the FOSS battlefield.
Stallman is where it's at, not Jobs!
And most definitely not Nadella/Cook/Bezos/Musk/Zuck or whoever there is now.

But this is me.
You may be entirely different.
You may _enjoy_ getting stuff done and be glad to be done with it.
Likewise, you make love that IntelliJ and spinning EC2 instances.
I get it.
I disagree fundamentally, but I get it.
It's the same with cars: there are people who know everything about them, and then there's me who only knows where my mechanic is.
And while I have no idea how to fix a car, I admire people who can do it.

Similarly, I grew to _envy_ sysadmins.
Damn, how I wish I was administering a bunch of Open/Net/FreeBSD…. But wait! I do.
I don't get paid for it, but I do it on my personal infrastructure.
It all _ties together_: I choose the software which makes me happy, as computers are my only hobby.
And what a hobby would be, if it didn't bring me fun?

Computes were a passion for many, and they still are for many people.
And that's what great about them.

But really, sysadmins are amazing.